


Working 9 'till Forever

by James_Usari



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Gen, Heaven, Heaven as Office, Office Humor, Pre-Canon, Pre-Fall (Good Omens), heavenly bureaucracy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-05
Updated: 2020-08-05
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:40:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 501
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25726810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/James_Usari/pseuds/James_Usari
Summary: It's Aziraphale's First Day at the Heavenly Office, as it has been for a very long time. Today, however, he meets Jerahmeel, an Angel just over from another division who is to be his colleague for the forseeable future.
Comments: 8
Kudos: 23
Collections: Name That Author Round Six





	Working 9 'till Forever

“Good morning, ‘Zira” Gabriel said far too familiarly, appearing in the doorframe just as Aziraphale slumped down in his Heavenly office chair. 

“Good morning, Gabriel” Aziraphale answered. “Excuse the…” they tried, but Gabriel cut them off. 

“Ow, don’t mention it” Gabriel said, waving away Aziraphale’s apology. Aziraphale smiled dryly, knowing the AR-manager would have brought it up if they hadn’t.

“I could be stricter about tardiness on the First Day, but you know me”

Aziraphale did. The calendar next to their office door had just seven days on it, with the first day crossed through. It had been the First Day for a while now; the Land Department and the Water Department were still arguing over the temporal custody of the Netherlands, and their disagreement was delaying Second Day rollout.

“Anyway, there is someone I want you to meet” Gabriel added, stepping aside. In came another Angel, dressed in the Heavenly dress code of a white suit, a white tie, and a white shirt. Fashion had been outsourced to Apple by a process and for a purpose too baffling to comprehend.

“This is Jerahmeel, just over from Vestigials”

Aziraphale was apprehensive at first. Jerahmeel had a look about them that screamed a rejection to any kind of authority. Aziraphale quite liked authority; it meant not having to make the really hard decisions. However, a disdainful glare aimed at Gabriel did a little to convince Aziraphale to give them the benefit of the doubt.

“I’m Aziraphale” Aziraphale introduced themself. “Pleasure. I…” 

“Yeah, yeah” Gabriel cut them off. “No conversation's a good place to start...I wanna speak in TONGUES!”

Before leaving the office, Gabriel pointed towards a motivational poster hanging on the far wall. A large picture of a tongue screaming ‘NO TONGUES, NO PRAYER’. Jerahmeel stuck their head out the door and waited until Gabriel turned a corner, to praise Sandalphon’s work on ear wax.

“They’re gone” Jerahmeel sighed with relief, closing the door behind them. They moved to their new desk silently and sat down, kicking up their feet to rest them on a filing cabinet labelled ‘woodpeckers’.

“How did you get stuck doing tongues?” They asked. Aziraphale swallowed. It was a matter close to their heart. They was accustomed to stating that ‘someone had to do it’, but that was not quite true.

“I just see the potential in tongues” Aziraphale answered truthfully. “I want to make taste a central, defining experience. Sweet, umami… I am still working on the rest. Is that silly?” Azirpahale asked, noting the hint of a smile around Jerahmeel’s face.

“No, no, I love it. Not many Angels have that kind of ambition. It got me kicked out of Vestigials” Jerahmeel said, glaring towards the hallway.

“What did you do?”

“Smuggled in big brains while implementing whale hips” Jerahmeel stated matter-of-factly.

“Brain city, whales” Remarked Aziraphale.

“That’s what I said!” Jerahmeel exclaimed, leaving the two giggling like school children.

“So, you’re ambitious about tongues?” Jerahmeel asked, leaning towards Aziraphale.

“What’s your thought on snakes?”

**Author's Note:**

> Thoughts from the author, in no particular order:
> 
> The layout of Heaven is as confusing as it is fluid. Departments shift around overnight, corridors become closets, closets becoming meeting spaces, and elevators become toilets and vice versa while being used. The first time Aziraphale entered the office, he described it as the 'Ineffable Floor Plan'. 
> 
> Heavenly office chairs are, if anything, too ergonomic. Any attempt at comfort is punished, and in the afternoon they whisper rude things if your concentration lapses. 
> 
> Woodpeckers have tongues that wrap around their skulls to cushion the blows of their pecking. 
> 
> Gabriel is an AR manager, responsible for Angelic Resources. After the Fall, the Complaints and Harassment departments (which were entirely staffed by would-be Demons) were merged with AR. The Angels of this department would become known colloquially as 'ARCH-Angels'. 
> 
> In the end, the Ocean Department got the Netherlands. Due to some mix-up on the Sixth Day, however, it still had humans allocated to it, who were having none of that and reclaimed it, much to the delight of the Land Department. 
> 
> Gender, as it turns out, was handled by around 7 billion different departments, each completely unaware of the existence of the others. This inefficiency was discovered last-minute by the Legal department (headed then, of course, by Lucifer). Unable to compromise, all different designs were implemented simultaneously. Transphobia is an entirely Human error, caused by the lazy implementation of grammatical gender during the Babel patch. The Language Department did not think it needed to consult with any other department, which led to compatibility issues. A failure to consult the Tongue department led to the wholly unpronouncable Finnish language.
> 
> Why does Heaven need a Legal Department? Copyright strikes from Zoroastrianism, mostly. 
> 
> In the proud outsourcing tradition, it took only the slightest nudge from Crowley to cause a data leak at Apple. Not only was the idea of fashion leaked, but the whole concept of the knowledge of Good and Evil was made public as well. Why Apple was in charge of both fashion and the concept of morality is wholly ineffible. 
> 
> Jerahmeel, as Crowley was known before the Fall, means 'He will obtain the Mercy of God' in Hebrew. They was known to instill inspiration of God's exaltation in people, something that would remain true long after their Fall. A testament to the Mercy.


End file.
